4 Honey Nuggets for Your Burning Man Preparations.

1. When Daddy Cool suddenly looks like this:

You’ll know it’s finally kicking in, ...so wait before you bump again.

(I said wait, Danny.)

2. Be prepared for strange, but typical post-Burning Man behaviors in yourself and others…

- Neighbors will suddenly show up at your door when the water or power goes out in your area.

- You’ll have a strange, ongoing compulsion to just ‘give things away', or chase MOOP you see floating around public areas (outsiders call it “litter”).

- You’ll tell your boss that his jackass “executive retreats” are a fail compared to the true morale-boosting power of art, arson, and wack-a-doodle costumes.

3. Any Virgin Burner who feels compelled to mention...

Dust is getting into everything,
The portapotties are gross,
They’re sore from all the “set-up” work,
Julien TBD takes forever to get ready,

Will likely get this response...

4. WARNING! The CDC recommends you avoid Burners/Camp-mates who show symptoms of S.P.V. (Sparkle Pony Virus).

The Pony now is a carrier of two strains of S.P.V. mutated by jumping species via Rainbow Pirate + S. Pony sex.

If you, or anyone you know, is easily enticed by day-glo thongs, Ugg boots,

and show the following symptoms:

- Severe regret

- Playa Rash

- Uncontrollably vomiting glitter

Take Action.

Quarantine the camper, and check their sleeping area for any needy, self-obsessed Burner(s) not listed in your camp.
If carrier is found, contact a Ranger immediately.
Lure the Sparkle Pony(s) to the nearest street using lip-gloss, or the promise of lip gloss.

Symptoms may appear anywhere from 2 to 8 hours after exposure, but the average is 6.

CORRECTIONS: Due to reasons of liability, the Editor is retracting the following tips from our 9/15/16 post-

Hydrating vigorously with Peach Flavored Vodka will give you pink luminescent skin at night.
Condoms, turned inside-out, can be used again
Capt’n Griz’s vegetable oil based healing salve is best for sunburn relief (Sold at Barbie Death Camp)